#NSS個人
[WYK] (小弟用英文表達得好啲, 所以以下投稿用英文, 要屌唔該屌細力啲…)
I just can’t find any will to live anymore. Everyone hates me… even I hate myself. Every single day of my life is just constant studying and revising, with no form of happiness no matter how hard I try. I want friends, I want to be loved. But I can’t. I can’t stand the constant bullying and harassment. I’ve been called an ‘inept, terrible idiot who’s better off dead than alive’, everyone teases me as if I’m a canine instead of a human, the list goes on and on.
I feel like I’m sailing deeper and deeper into a sea of sadness, an ocean of depression; my thoughts are disrupted by the abrupt waves of the turmoil ocean, and my vision is obscured by the fog of future. The only apparent destination is an island of despondency. All these subjects that I must study for: history, geography, science… if I can’t get a high mark I’m admonished by my parents. Revising for hours on end makes my life empty, dull and unfulfilling. No part of life is satisfying or happy. Whenever I stare out the window of my home, I can’t help but think how everyone in the bright, lit-up houses have happy lives, while I am the one who continues to suffer. Heck, I can’t even find passion in anything. No matter how hard I try, nothing engages me and I end up feeling as depressed and crestfallen as before.
And why must everybody hate me? Within my entire class, not a single one of them treats me with any form of dignity. I don’t need them to even respect me or anything, I just want to be treated as one of their own. Just always being tormented, being told nobody loves, being told I’m terrible and useless. Whenever I go to school I just get excluded, treated as if I’m an outlaw, and everyone does everything in their power to upset me. Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve this. As a F2 student, I just can’t handle this mental stress…
Maybe I’m just a paranoid person and an over-thinker, but I always think the world is about to end. I always think of the worst things that happen to me, and any shred of happiness is just forever lost in my memories. Numerous times, I have considered just ending it all… because what even is the purpose of living? To be tormented and bullied by everyone at school? To be a slave of the education system? Or is it to be disowned and scolded by my parents for getting one less mark in the exam? I don’t know. Life just doesn’t have a meaning anymore… the only feelings I have are misery and despair.
I don’t even know what to do anymore…
圖Link: https://ibb.co/jHvyN50