(Band1A school girl)
I’m now form 5. Maybe u will think i got very good results and everything better than others as the school is like a package representing u. I’m not a diligent student and always put my hws sideways. Even the exam is coming I will just have simple revision for a few days. That’s why my result shows every subj barely passed. Also I think that I’m not responsible enough and always left problems behind which undermines others. Every single shortcoming make me feel so guilty and depressed. Especially when I got into secondary school, everything changed. People are more clever than me, smarter than me, and even work much more harder than me. Compared to others I’m like a trash. Since my result not gd as be4 parents keep insulting me all the time. I know I’m not good enough and I hv very low self esteem now and the words of parents just worsen the situation. I feel so stressful and parents keep making me feel like I can’t survive in the future on my own as I don’t hv any soft skill and I’m so hateful to them. Recently my heart very fragile even simple criticisms can make me cry. I know I’m so weak as I always want to commit suicide. I keep wasting my time staring at the window but never hv the courage to move. And about a week ago, I start cutting my wrist (the wound is not deep) as crying silently in bed alone at night really tortures me a lot. Eventually my parents found out and they scold me. I’m soooo sad I mean I didn’t ask for any concern and caring from them ( I don’t even want them know ah!) but the way they said I did sth stupid and following the “suicidal trend” really hurt deep inside me.
That’s sth I want to share as I really stressful these days and I don’t want to let my frds know how frail I am. Maybe these are just some minor things to u and u may blame me I can’t even bare such little stress. Sorry for typing English and the rubbish grammar. Hope the editor would post it even tho it’s all bull sheets. I’m sorry.